Irrational Fears Blog: There's Bugs Crawling All Over Me!

It's Halloween! So let's talk about things that scare the shit out of us. Not the normal things like meeting a dreamy guy in an elevator while unshowered, wearing a goddamn puffy jacket, and talking about your dream of beating members of your family in a race to see who can clean snow off a car faster. No, that kind of luck only happens to this "special" blogger. Son of a bitchmouth.

I want to talk about the fears that keep us up at night and consume us for no reason whatsoever. Fucking.Irrational.Fears. For example, you may be aware that I have an absolutely absurd fear of snakes. They TERRIFY me. I'm sorry about the caps, but it's truly how I feel. Recently, I was in a halloween costume store and a gigantic, green, fanged snake jumped out at me! Yeah it was stuffed, but I freaked out as though it was real. Yes, I'm aware a stuffed snake can't kill me, but we're talking irrational here. However, I am aware that I'm absolutely insane. Mainly because that's what the cashier told me when she was cleaning up snake stuffing. I cut that mofo with a Harry Potter wand. Parseltongue on that, Snake!

I also have a fear of refrigerators and 17th century paintings, but I blame both of those on the Ghostbusters franchise.

In honor of this intriguing subject, I've researched some of my avid blog readers own fears. It's just fascinating what an irrational fear says about a person.

Kristi and Kara: Oddly enough both of these girls are afraid of feet. Now, I've heard that Kara's is only a slight fear. Truthfully, I wish she'd worry less about feet and more about making sure I never have to call someone a "douche canoe" again. Kristi's fear of feet though, oh my god, you want to see irrational. I've seen this girl brought to tears because someone bought her a toe ring. It was her husband and he was proposing, but that's not the point. She's totally crazy.

Lindsay:  My dear sister apparently has a fear of being impregnated by an alien. This answer leads me to believe she wasn't taking my questionnaire seriously. oh, this will be the last time she does that. That being said, if any of you have met any of her ex-boyfriends it's actually reasonable that she could have been impregnated by an alien. Wait, now I'm confusing massive d bag with alien. Sigh, it's not the first time, it won't be the last.

Kyle: He would like you to believe that his irrational fear is peanut butter sticking to the roof of his mouth. Yeah...no I don't think so. It's obviously comment wars. I get that though, he got straight schooled by Flynn.

Speak of the Devil: Where do I begin. Whew... Flynn is afraid of the undead. But, by undead I don't mean vampires. Vampires are super hot and not to be feared, Stupid. I mean anything that isn't living. Air conditioners, toasters, cement, tvs, coffee mugs, highlighters, facebook, and well, you get the idea. Pretty much everything. She doesn't leave the house really and that's why she has so many blog posts. Yes, she has undead things in her house, but she thinks she's paid them not to kill her. That's why you find money stapled to everything in her house. Yeah it's a gold mine when you go over there. One time she bawled all through hot yoga because she was positive the mat was making death threats. What she doesn't know was that it wasn't the mat. It was me. I could have killed her for convincing me to do hot yoga. As if just yoga isn't already a pain in the ass. Except for the time I got my chakras cleaned. That was kinda nice.

Anyone have an irrational fear they'd like to add? I can make fun of you too. This is a non discriminatory blog. Except for you, Elijah Wood. Baby Gunner and I don't want you in our lives.