Purple! White! Let's...Oh god, I have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.
...and i think it's regret.
For some reason that completely escapes me now, I attended my 10 year highschool reunion at the end of September. I'm not going to lie. I had some delusions of grandeur. My reunion wouldn't be that bad, in fact, I was pretty fuckin cool in highschool so I should have a TON of fun. Everyone will know who I am and people who thought they were too cool to be friends with me ten years ago will bow down to my somewhat improved looks and outrageous sense of humor. Yes! I can't wait!
But I was quickly knocked down a peg or two...or ten. Turns out I didn't know anyone in highschool. Not one person.
well at least I didn't on the first night, "the cocktail night." Through a moronic pact my friend Shawn and I made, we were forced to go to both reunion events. Maybe Shawn had the same delusions I did. Well, he actually knew people at the cocktail night so he was already about 100 steps ahead of me. I spent the hour and a half I was at the cocktail hour hugging mortal enemies, making awkward conversation, and drinking heavily. Sometimes, for maximum effect, I even combined all three. Oh yeah, did I mention sweating? Because I was doing a lot of that too. The reunion organizers forgot they had air conditioned buildings in Florida so they scheduled all festivities at outdoor bars. It was really annoying at the time, but now I know why they did it...to break our spirits early.
The bar even made the class of '99 a special drink that night. It was called "Panther Punch." Our mascot was the Purple Panther so it was bascially a combination of purple kool-aid and vodka. Soooo...basically a version of Purple Drank. Minus the cough syrup of course. In a pathetic attempt to play along with the reunion I ordered one. After I took a sip I turned to the girl next to me (one of the more popular girls in my class) and said, "mmmmmm, grapey!" Judging by the reaction of awkward amusement at my lack of social skills, I'm going to assume that was my high point of the night.
The next two hours are sort of a blur of bad karaoke, a 60 year old woman in a see through lace top, and an attempt to go to Chili's. This is Ft. Myers, FL so the sweet places to hangout are all...well, frankly, they don't exist. Luckily for the group of people I was with, I had insider knowledge (meaning I called them) that Fridays would be opened until 2am. Well thank god for that.
Here's what I learned at Friday's:
1. Don't go there...not ever.
2. Don't ever drink something called a mind eraser.
3. Don't attempt 30 Rock quotes while nervous drinking, they're just too complicated.
4. You can't avoid the inevitable "why didn't you call me?" situation.
5. My friend Nicole is still one of the coolest chicks I know.
6. That guy that used to terrify me in high school is actually very nice.
7. You can't get rid of the drunk hiccups by drinking beer faster.
8. I should never have gone to my high school reunion...
sigh. thank you for this. this has gotten me through the second part of my work day.
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