JTT Blog: It's a Christmas Miracle!

Last night I spent a lovely evening with my mother watching cheezy Hallmark Christmas movies (if you must know, yes, it does exacerbate the fact that I'm empty inside). Anyway, the most amazing thing happened! A preview for the Friday Night Hallmark Christmas movie came on and guess what?!!!!

IT'S STARRING JONATHAN TAYLOR THOMAS.

It's not recent, but don't you worry, he's super hot in it. For the fellas, it also stars a young Jessica Biel. It's from 1998, when I was 13. Shut up you.

Upon recieving this wonderful news, my first thought naturally was that I still totally had a chance with JTT.

My reasons were:

1) I love him
2) He's adorable
3) There's no way he isn't still hot
4) He's not gay
5) Somehow, after all these years, he still senses that I'm the one

My mother almost immediately crushed my hopes and dreams by telling me there's absolutely no way JTT will ever fall in love with me. Then she made me a cup of whiskey and tea. She always makes that for me when I get fussy.

Wedding Blog: Yeah Fucking Right

You are formally invited to the wedding of
Ms. Ashley Tisdale to Mr. Kyle Schimdt
The ceremony will be held at the Cathedral in Kyle's head
on the 11th day of fucking never.
The lovely couple is registered at Bath, Bed, and Beyond.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to celebrate the delusional marriage between Kyle Schmidt and Ashley Tisdale. How do I know Kyle is young? Becuase he wants to bone marry one of the chicks from High School Musical. Although, I wouldn't knock that Zack Efron out of bed so I guess that makes me young at heart. *coughs*

Ahhh young love. I remember when I wanted to marry Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Yeah JTT and I could've really been something. That whole "celebrity thing" and "not knowing who I am" really got in the way of our relationship. He's an amazing actor though. Remember when he was in The Lion King. He was the baby lion. Sigh...meOW.