Date Blog: Advice from My Mother

Well, it's Blind Date Week! It's like Shark Week except there's less footage of Shark's eating chum, and more discussion about my insecurities. Don't worry, I'm just as mean to myself as I am to other people.

So, in my first blind date post I asked my readers to share some of your best of the worst date stories. I'm here to announce the best bad date story I received (by the way, you can email if the blog thing is too scary, sissies). Who sent in the best date story?

None other than my dear mother:

"Best wishes for an interesting blind date! I hope you have better luck than I did with my Jon Hamm lookalike...... within the first hour of sharing sushi he told me 1) his bipolar was much better now that he was on medicine, but that he just wasn't as much fun as the party boy he used to be. When he danced all nite and took his first dates to the tables in Las Vegas or to breakfast for beignets in New Orleans (why couldn't I have met him then) 2) He had trouble 'getting the old wanker to wiggle' since his last girlfriend (the pole dancer) and wondered if I was willing to help rehabilitate him 3) He didn't tip the waiter and 4) He he did not believe in condoms (worst blunder ever!)"

So...now I guess I have to devise a clever comeback to "I don't believe in condoms." How about: "Oh me neither, you haven't lived to you've felt the subtle burn of Chlymidia. It's like an 18 year old scotch, am I right?"  * Holds hand up for high-five*

Beat that Beat Blog: Jersey Shore Lovin'

You know I love a good love story. You know this because, as reader of this blog, you're aware that I am not the least bit angry, bitter, or cynical. It's true. Those of you that don't believe in eternal love should do yourselves a favor and watch more MTV. I remember the first episode of Jersey Shore I ever watched. Sammi and Ronni had just had a big fight (cuz he was grindin up on some skank and she got that guy's numba). But then they sobered up and they made up and said "I can't lose you, Jersey Shore Housemate." And as I wept on the couch at the romance of it all, I thought, "My God, those crazy kids just might make it."

Called it, thanks People Magazine.

Thanks Sammi and Ronni for reminding how important and tenacious young love is. Actually, what they really reminded me was that I need to start training for my next dance battle. Thank God, there's a new training video by Lindsay to help show us how to Beat that Beat! If you're in a relationship don't worry, it's not cheating if you dance battle to house music. But if it's to R&B, you're gonna need to wash the dirty whore off you...whore.



Did you see that kick? Suck.on.that.

Thanks to Jon for, unlike myself, actually knowing how to use a computer.

Hungover Blog: Waterbeds?

It's Saturday and I'm hungover so guess what? I'm writing about fucking waterbeds. They're beds filled with water. No big deal. I know what you're thinking. "oh wow, apparently Meghan finally ran out of vampire stuff to write about." NOPE! Suckas. Watch this show. It's got more hot vampires in it. And Boone from Lost. Again, no big deal. By the way, Ian Somerhalder, if you read this blog (of course you do), I'm buying a waterbed. I bet your likely beautiful and funny girlfriend doesn't have one. Marinate on that.

I'm not sure if it's the hangover or not, but I'm getting pretty seasick just thinking about waterbeds. Are they the pinnacle of douchery? I think they might be. I think the ranking goes 3. thinks Dane Cook is hilarious 2. wears Ed Hardy and 1. owns a waterbed. Oh and pet waterbeds exist. Just in case you want to make sure your dog never gets any action either.

Happy Halloween Blog: Tryin' to Get to Yooooou and that ...Monkey?

Happy Halloween! And what do we have here? A little nurse, a doctor, a witch, and a vampire. Great costumes kids. Spooky! Hey, here's comes the McKenzie's! I wonder what they're going to be this year.

Wait...Oh God.

No, this is not okay. I'm all upset now. I was going to write a nice halloween blog about family, candy and togetherness, but this is just too much. Take the worst family Halloween costume and multiply it by one hundred and it maybe, just maybe, it might equal the dysfunction in this picture. The kids have genitalia. I don't even know what to write. This is what I get for waiting until 10 am to start drinking. Idiot!!!

You A-holes Are Probably Good Looking Too

According to Reuters, the highest population of 25-34 year olds making over $100,000 a year is in Washington, D.C. followed by several other cities/counties I don't live in because I make a penance compared to these d bags. I just got yelled at by my boss and have been a failure most of my working life, but this is nice, I'm happy for them.

Here's an article about the young and wealthy. Try not too punch yourself in the face too much.

What's that? Even if you made $100,000 you would spend it all on beer? Oh...I know you would.