Good Looking Blog: I Like to Look at You

...but please God don't talk...ever.

I couldn't think of anything to write about so I went ahead and starting watching 17 Again. It's a nice little Zac Efron vehicle (for those of you who don't know, he's handsome). While watching it I was reminded of a conversation I had earlier with my buddy Flynn. Oddly enough, it wasn't about sharks, boxed wine, or which Disney movie most accurately portrays high school life.

It was about guys... shocking.

It was about the various times we kept a complete douche around because they were hot. Or we thought they were at the time or whatever. It's not the point. The point is that I remember an exact moment in my life when a guy told me Fuel was one of his favorite bands and I just let it slide. He was cute so I let it slide like it was nothing. Well it's something you guys! So is wearing linen shorts on dates, not being funny, and blaming your emotional problems on your parents' divorce. All separate instances when I just glossed right over dealbreakers and thought "Maybe I can get them to like Top Chef or something?"

Then there's the ex that strolls into town and takes over your life for a weekend. During that time he spends every moment dissecting your life into all the terrible choices you've made (your car is stupid, you can't pick a restaurant, why aren't you richer?, let me pick out what you're going to wear). Why thank you for your noble advice sir, I shant be able to live without it. You know what happens when that hot douchebag comes to town? You get drunk and angry and end up at a place called The Cowboy Lounge. Good things don't happen at a place like that.

These are just a few examples of the kind of people we keep around because we like looking at them. I bet that's why most good looking people are complete assholes.

...of course not you Zac Efron. You have amazing music taste, don't care that I'm poor, and find self deprecating girls super hot. YEAH!

No?

.

Sharktopus Blog: Yeah, Ok, I Guess This Could Happen

Never underestimate the romance that goes on under the sea. There's no STDs in the ocean right? So why wouldn't a shark and an octopus get frisky one night. They were probably all bored and that red coral gets you super high. So what would their illegitimate child look like?

Well, a Sharktopus of course!

And he shall henceforth be known as Peter the Sharktopus.

Syfy is fully taking advantage of the awesomeness that is the creature feature and greenlighted the film "Sharktopus." If they do it correctly, this film should cost about $5 so the producers are poised to make some bank. Syfy, I'm willing to do the movie for $1.50 and a bag of Twizzlers. Just make sure my leading man is either in a band or a ginger. Thank you to one Miss Andrea for bring this to my attention. Oh, is your mother not scouring the internet for new shark movies? Well, then I guess she doesn't love you.

UPDATE

Good news! There's a Dinoshark movie coming too!

Which of course leads to the question of all questions. Who would win in a fight to the death between a Sharktopus and Dinoshark? I don't know readers. I'm not a fucking scientist.

Return From Christmas Vacation Blog: Farts

I've returned from the elderly and humid state of Florida to the young and spry state of Colorado. Hey, guess what productive things I've done since I've been back. Slept, watched TV, and, naturally, I've killed at some karaoke. Have I unpacked? No. Have I cleaned my house? Nope. Did I order $19 worth of Thai food so I wouldn't have to leave my apartment today? Yes. Am I on msn.com right now reading bartender tips on how to pick up someone in a bar? Yes. Will I ever be successful in utilizing these tips? Define success.

Well, I did pay a parking ticket today so I got that going for me.