Sharktopus Blog: Yeah, Ok, I Guess This Could Happen

Never underestimate the romance that goes on under the sea. There's no STDs in the ocean right? So why wouldn't a shark and an octopus get frisky one night. They were probably all bored and that red coral gets you super high. So what would their illegitimate child look like?

Well, a Sharktopus of course!

And he shall henceforth be known as Peter the Sharktopus.

Syfy is fully taking advantage of the awesomeness that is the creature feature and greenlighted the film "Sharktopus." If they do it correctly, this film should cost about $5 so the producers are poised to make some bank. Syfy, I'm willing to do the movie for $1.50 and a bag of Twizzlers. Just make sure my leading man is either in a band or a ginger. Thank you to one Miss Andrea for bring this to my attention. Oh, is your mother not scouring the internet for new shark movies? Well, then I guess she doesn't love you.

UPDATE

Good news! There's a Dinoshark movie coming too!

Which of course leads to the question of all questions. Who would win in a fight to the death between a Sharktopus and Dinoshark? I don't know readers. I'm not a fucking scientist.

Assassination Blog: I bet George Clooney was in on it

That sneaky salt and peppered minx.

I was going to be a secret agent once, but then a job at Coldstone Creamery opened up and what was I supposed to do? I took that shit. Where do you think I honed my karaoke skills?

Naturally, I regret my decision because if you're a secret agent you do cool things like assassinations. You could impress people with that job. And I'm not just talking about your average ginger here. Do you think George Clooney gets all those hot chicks because he's a "famous actor?" Well, if you do I can't blame you. He's a great spy. Probably the best. I'd let that guy go all Dexter on me anyday. Wait...

Authorities in Dubai are looking for the assassins (great musical, by the way) of Hamas chief Mahmoud Mabhouh. He was killed last month when several trained assassins (I'm going to keep saying it) smothered him in his hotel room. They were in disguises! Wigs and everything! Maybe John Cusack was in on it too. If I had known spies were actually that theatrical I would have turned down that Coldstone job and bought myself a sweet black jumpsuit.

Here's how you do it. Clean.