It's been too long. I wrote this post and then left it sitting lonely and sad like a kitten without another kitten. I'm sorry blog readers. It won't happen again. Now on to the post.
Ok, family, we need to talk. We need to talk about your inability to match make. We also need to talk about your inability to follow the rules. The most important rule being, if you're going to set MY sister up with someone you get them approved by ME first. Seems simple enough doesn't it. Well, that important step was skipped this last thanksgiving, and because of your carelessness, family, tragedy ensued.
What kind of tragedy? It's hard to talk about. But for you I will. Here's the thing, my poor, darling, innocent sister wore a fabulous outfit that day and DIDN'T make a love connection. She was devasted! Think of the children! Think of when she could wear that outfit again! Wow, I wasn't sure I could even say it out loud, but for the sake of the blog, I had to. Sometimes we find our strength for these important occasions, no? The only other time I found this kind of strength was when I bravely fought through several angry voice mails from said sister after waking up from a tequila drinking contest. I won, so everyone just calm down
Let's get down to brass tacks. Frankly, I've pretty much hated every guy my sister has ever dated. Except for the 40 year old dude. He was a nice guy. Alas, the issue in their relationship was numerical and for another post. Here's my point. Wouldn't you maybe, just maybe, run the dude by me first? At least give me the chance to say I hate him BEFORE he starts dating my sister. It will just save everyone time here. Let's save the setting up of my sibling until Christmas when I'm in the same state at least. But in case of emergency, I've devised a simple check list for you.
1. Does he have a job?
2. Is he under the age of 30?
3. Does he have any illegitimate children?
4. Does he have a criminal background?
5. Does he have any affiliation with Florida, Miami, or Ohio State?
All I'm asking is for two yes's and three no's. Sadly, when it comes to my sister's ex-boyfriends this is a hell of a lot easier said than done. And truthfully, family, if you set her up with a dude successfully, it would be an adorable story. I would even venture to say romantic. That is, if I wasn't already dead inside.
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