Olympic Blog: Those Chinese Figure Skate Better than They Breed Pandas

Communism = awesome figure skating. You didn't know that? What, did you not spend President's Day inside watching winter sports? Oh, you went on a hike. Seriously? Physical activity disgusts me. Unless, I'm watching it on TV and eating. Eating does not disgust me. I wish it did.

Well, like an actual American, I watched the Olympics all day. By the way, the United States leads in the medal count, but ya know I don't want to brag (We're fucking awesome). I'm never more patriotic than during the Olympic Games. Because I love winning. That's why I made a mistake watching pairs figure skating. Who am I kidding, I was bored and what else was I gonna do? Go to the gym? NO.

 

Xue Shen and Hongbo Zhao

Yeah, they won the gold medal. Yeah, they're still Chinese. Yeah, they're married. And, oh yeah, he proposed to her on the ice at the World Championships. Eh Adorable. Hey, USA figure skating, don't make me write about the Chinese again. Good day.

Panda Blog: Yep, Still Trying to Save Them

Panda style?

According to the Associated Press, Australian and Chinese officials are attempting to get a pair of bamboo-munching (innuendo?) pandas to make some baby pandas (adorable!). If you saw my last panda blog, you know I'm definitely on board for panda procreation. They're cute, and there needs to be enough pandas to end the war in Iraq. You know, because their fuzzy exterior is bulletproof. Not that anyone would have the GALL to shoot a panda anyway.

OK, I'm reading the article and I don't see any mention of alcohol, rufies, or R. Kelly so I'm not sure how Australia/China are going to pull this off. Maybe there will be some sort of romantic spaghetti dinner involved. Usually, I would take this opportunity to tell these officials how to do their jobs, but I'm currently eating Doritos for dinner while sitting alone with only facebook chat and a Coke to console me. Seriously you guys, I'm doing really great.