Olympic Blog: Those Chinese Figure Skate Better than They Breed Pandas

Communism = awesome figure skating. You didn't know that? What, did you not spend President's Day inside watching winter sports? Oh, you went on a hike. Seriously? Physical activity disgusts me. Unless, I'm watching it on TV and eating. Eating does not disgust me. I wish it did.

Well, like an actual American, I watched the Olympics all day. By the way, the United States leads in the medal count, but ya know I don't want to brag (We're fucking awesome). I'm never more patriotic than during the Olympic Games. Because I love winning. That's why I made a mistake watching pairs figure skating. Who am I kidding, I was bored and what else was I gonna do? Go to the gym? NO.

 

Xue Shen and Hongbo Zhao

Yeah, they won the gold medal. Yeah, they're still Chinese. Yeah, they're married. And, oh yeah, he proposed to her on the ice at the World Championships. Eh Adorable. Hey, USA figure skating, don't make me write about the Chinese again. Good day.