Date Blog: I Lived to Tell the Tale

The tale of dinner, drinks, and a teen pregnancy movie. Guess which of those three things I regret the most?

So, are you ready for the wealth of blind date knowledge I'm about to drop on you? Put on your gas masks and let's get started.

Lessons from my blind date:

1) Your matchmaker might exaggerate for your benefit- Shelbfest, gotta love her, made my job sound a hell of a lot more interesting than it is. My date gave me the "your job sounds really cool, I'd like to hear about it." In my head, "Well, I guess I better leave out the part where I booked plane tickets and ordered lunch for people today." What I actually said, "oh yes, I'm very important, like Rom Emanuel to the Obama Administration." He got confused so I asked him where he was from. Learning to change the subject for my benefit is just one of the things I've learned at my very important job.

2) There's never a loss of conversation because you don't know anything about each other- Where are you from? What do you like to do for fun? What's your favorite band? Where did you go to college? Who would win with a fight between a giant octopus and a mega shark? The possibilities for conversation are nearly endless. It was at least half way through the date before I realized we didn't even know each other's last names. Thank god I remembered, it makes internet stalking waaaaay easier.

3) Pick the weirdest place to go you can think of- We met at a place called Mercury Cafe, where's there's no shortage of christmas lights, ethnic art, piercings, and apparently on Saturday, teenagers in the tiniest dresses known to man. I'm not sure what the event was, but I'm not ruling out that Mercury Cafe is running an under age prostitution ring. Oh, and they had a palm reader too! She told me I wasn't going to marry Robert Downy Jr. so I bitch slapped her in the mouth. Luckily my date was in the bathroom and I came up with a good reason why we were being escorted from the restaurant. "For protection." He doesn't ask questions, I like that about him.

4) Maybe India Pale Ales aren't the best thing to order on a date- Sure it brought out that drunken charm I'm so well known for (no? alright then), but getting too drunk on a date can lead to some bad decision making. It's not what you're thinking, let's go ahead and skip to number five.

5) Date + Teen Pregnancy Movie = Are You Insane?- It was my own fault. I let it happen. I got a little tipsy and somehow my date and I ended up at my friend Emily's watching a movie about a teenage pregnancy pact. What.the.hell.

All in all. I'm not against going on another blind date. I mean, the first ten minutes were about as awkward as I've felt since seeing the movie Cradle 2 the Grave on a date in 2003. It starred DMX so I guess the Italian guy I was with was into hip-hop...or kidnapping. I'm still bummed I left my umbrella in that dude's car.

Date Blog: The Blind Leading the Blind

So...uh.... I guess I have a date the weekend after next...a blind one. Well shit. To be totally honest, I didn't really think I'd have to follow through with this whole blog gimmick thing. Then Shelbfest had to get all saucy and and actually find someone!

Lucky for you, you get to watch the spectacle. We'll get into specifics (dress, talk, food) later, but first, I want to hear some awesome date stories from you. I need the " I wish someone would've told me this" tidbits. The more embarrassing the better. I'm taking some of you down with me and, frankly, I could use all the help I can get.

I hope he looks like Jon Hamm.